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Namaste Hi everyone. It's 1:30 am here. At 5:00 am, I am riding my bike 10 miles to the Hindu temple here in Michigan. I will volunteer all day for the Govardhan puja. That celebrates Krishna’s merciful protection of the Govardhan village and His victory over the prideful Lord Indra. I feel like I’m supposed to be in India. I feel it very strongly. It’s strange. I wonder, “What am I doing here?” Nothing is keeping me here but myself. I am denying myself. Swamis come through the temple and bless us, yet I will not debate them. Am I hiding? At some point, there is no sense in observing anymore. I’m not soliciting advice about my life. I am losing most of my material things. This has all needed to happen for me. The most painful thing is that I still talk with others who do not understand or accept that. I lost my job (put in notice and was fired), sold my car, am getting evicted in a couple weeks, will lose all my furniture, and will own only what I can carry. I was homeless for 5 months last fall, but lived in my car and a motel since I had a job. I have completely abstained from drugs and alcohol for nearly two years. I do not smoke or take any medication. I do not drink caffeine except on rare occasions. The job caused a nervous breakdown (not the first, really, but by far the most painful since I would not quit the job), I’ve experienced a surge of spiritual emergence the last two years, and I am writing profusely every day and prone to giving friendly, intellectual speeches to friends and in public. I feel like all my talent is being wasted. This type of creative energy does not last forever, and I would hate to squander Sarasvati’s blessings. After this winter, I intend to travel. I would say I will get a job and be “normal,” but it’s perfectly clear for me that such a thing is a delusion. I am different and will find my purpose, but I don’t know why I’m here right now. Friends encourage my writing. Why should I justify my view of God? He accepts it. I mean it: That really is more important than people’s opinions. Some friends understand, and others don’t. They criticize me as self-destructive when they do not even see what they deny themselves. I speak less and less with such people. I am perfectly aware of the reality that most people simply can’t relate. Okay. Thanks for listening. Maybe I’ll hop on a plane with some Hare Krishnas and ditch them when we get to India? Pranams.
Hello, friends: Please let me share an audio file of my favorite verse of Lord Krishna's Gita with you: http://bhagavad-gita.org/Gita/verse-02-23.html I hope you like the woman's chant! Speaking of the eternal Self, Swami Sivananda translates the verse thus: "Weapons cut It not, fire burns It not, water wets It not, wind dries It not." And speaking of the soul, Swami Prabhupada translates it thus: "The soul can never be cut to pieces by any weapon, nor burned by fire, nor moistened by water, nor withered by the wind." Interesting contrast, right? Advaita and Dvaita at their finest, perhaps. Thanks!