Hello Beautiful Lights!
I'd like to introduce myself and say thanks for creating and sustaining this space for connection.
A bit about myself:
For so much of my life, I sought. I struggled and strove, seeking to find the truth, to create the conditions where everthing would 'click' and I would finally 'get it and my life could start for real'. I would find the right combination of qi gong, or martial arts, the right diet, the right phrase in a book, or the right place out hiking in nature that would open me up and set everything right... that would crack the illusions and set me free...
I wandered the forests obsessively somehow feeling it was there... I'd swim down to the bottom of the Mississippi river where we lived, searching for... something... the real me. IT
Then one moment, rather recently I realized "how could it be possible, that someone else, or something else could know what it is that I need? How would it be that the answer I was seeking was somewhere outside myself? And then a beautiful thing happened, one afternoon while my toddler son played on the floor and I reached for my tea this realization occured... There is an unbroken line of action that directly connects this moment to the moment when my Mum and Dad came together to conceive me... And this went further... that causation was seamlessly linked similarly to where their parents came together... and then it occurred to me, this goes all the way back, to co-arising origination, or the bang or whatever... but "there is no separation... of anything. No dividing line anywhere... other than an arbitrary one, my mind may apply." There is an unbroken line of flow from the origination to this moment as I reach for my tea. woof!
Everything is One. One flowing ocean of which, that which I had always been told and considered to be my 'seperate self' was more akin to a wave of the ocean than a ball floating on it. I am the universe as much as the dirt, flowers, supernova and galaxies.
The release of relief and joy and understanding was a cascade, yet very gentle. It was so clear and obvious. As Alan Watts said "This Is It".
So my practices all kind of fell away, the worry over the magic diet, the concern over what soaps to use... and I began to accept and release.
Now I move through life and I accept it. I accept when events occur where I will act and affect conditions... and accept when I will simply abide and not try to force anything... and either way, act or sit... to release. Release assumptions, outcomes and presumptions.
With this release and acceptance, awareness began to unfold.
Now I consider only one thing to be absolutely certain.
There is awareness and I am that.
Such light and bouyancy... such gratitude and abiding, gentle joy!
Now this may all seem like I've got all my stuff figured out and my crud together... please don't assume this. I still regularly get frustrated and scared and angry, but I no longer feed these and they cannot maintain their inertia, so they dissipate quickly and have 'lost their teeth', as the realization abides and I soon accept and release and once again abide in simple awareness.
Blessed to have been invited here by David. I know a few of you already from the Tao Bums and I look forward to the connections sure to come with others here.