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Marriage and Guru Relationships - Navigating the Human Side of Oneness

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I have been happily married for 21 years so far and have been in relationships with living gurus for a few years as well.  I don't think any two human beings ever experience things exactly the same way, but I think there may be a chance that communicating my experiences as a married woman in guru-type relationships may help others navigate their own relationships.

Since marriage means so many things to different people and has meant different things to me over the course of time, I'll start by defining what marriage means to me right now.  For me, marriage is a way for two human beings to grow individually and spiritually, and it and has the potential for the experience of oneness.  It's a complex and intimate relationship, and permanent energetic bonds can form that carry over lifetimes.  Through sharing our lives, our experiences, our problems and our bodies, we dedicate ourselves to each other with the intent of becoming more perfect in love.  That is why it is a sacrament.

For me, a guru is someone who can introduce someone to the experience of universal consciousness or oneness.  A guru-student relationship is also complex and intimate, and permanent energetic bonds can form that carry over lifetimes.  Through sharing energy, thoughts and experiences, we work to find and release obstructions, which are places of identification, attachment and fear.  The guru and student also work to become more perfect in love, with an added dimension in that the guru's effort of love is expanded to include all beings.

It seems reasonable to say that the sacrament of marriage is available to everyone who wishes to embark upon this path.  True gurus are harder to find, and it used to be that in order to learn from a guru, one had to leave family life and surrender completely to the guru.  It used to be that in order to become a guru, one had to leave family life and surrender completely to divine service.  But times have changed, and I find myself for a few years now both married and in guru relationships.  This change is all for the good.  In my opinion, human beings are ready for the integration of these two once separate sacred paths.  But navigating is not always easy.   

I hope that, by sharing some of my experiences in a series of posts here, it will help those who are making their own navigational choices.

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Thanks Liz thats interesting ,My main connection is with "God " himherself,and my own heart but I give thanks for any help i can get and give, I do know what you are saying though and we will all tailor our experience in some way...Love earthlove

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Shared Lives; Separate Paths

When two people take a vow to share their lives, there's a belief that goes with it that these same two people must also share a spiritual path.  One can see this view exemplified externally in various religious traditions.  For example, a pastor's wife, and to some extent his children, can share many of the responsibilities of the pastor and serve as accessible extensions of the pastor.  I've experienced firsthand what this is like, and it was a valuable lesson.

The truth is we are all very unique.  We have unique body/minds with unique aptitudes and interests and also unique matrices of energy obstruction.  Even though we are not separate beings at the deeper levels of consciousness, the path to this experiential realization is not the same for every person.  The path is laid down primarily according to one's intent, whether that intent is conscious or subconscious.  One person's intent (or purpose, or dharma) is different from another's.  And so I find myself in guru relationships and married to someone who has very little interest in this "woo woo stuff."  

However, even though my husband has very little interest in my spiritual framework, he has quite a bit of interest in me and our marriage.  He wants to know what's going on in my head, and he wants to be included wherever possible.  He notices when I spend a lot of time on my computer communicating with people.  He notices when I'm distant or brooding or sad.  Every time I feel a big energetic shift, he notices in some way.  There's a very broad, open energy connection between us, and everything I do within the context of my guru relationships affects him.  In fact, it affects all of those energetically connected to me to a greater or lesser degree, depending on the strength of the connection.  There's a responsibility that goes with this, which I'll get into later.

The one, very valuable skill that has carried us through this is communication.  There was a time when I didn't feel safe telling my husband about what was going on with my spiritual practice.  There was a time when my husband didn't like hearing about it.  For a while, we stopped communicating entirely, and one day we looked at each other wondering, "Who the heck are you?  I don't know you anymore."  Those moments have happened before in our marriage.  Sometimes I'm the one who doesn't like hearing about it.  :) Then I sit on his lap and he holds me.  We sit quietly for a while, and eventually we start talking.  I don't know if every couple hits this wall.  My hope is that it can be avoided through self-knowledge and patient communication but, if not, there are others who have been through this.

One path is not better or more sacred than another.  Powerful, lasting relationships are built from respect, openness, acceptance and, most of all, love. 

Edited by liz

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Marija   

Yes, beautiful, Liz. Your openess touches the heart.

You know, it doesn t seem like your husband and you are walking different spiritual paths. Maybe it seems that way on the outside, but the fire that keeps both of you going is the same. Otherwise your marriage would have fallen apart long ago.

It seems reasonable to say that the sacrament of marriage is available to everyone who wishes to embark upon this path.  True gurus are harder to find

From my experience, it is as hard/easy to find a true spouse/partner as it is to find a true guru. It s because we don t find them. Life sends them to us or not. Even if it s one in a million. The thing is that not many people really want them.

One path is not better or more sacred than another.  Powerful, lasting relationships are built from respect, openness, acceptance and, most of all, love

True. Because essentially those two paths are the same. Both of them are showing you the way home. With a true friendship or a true parent/child relationship... it is also the same. The form is only different. 

Edited by Marija

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Let There be Peace Between Us

In yoga teacher training, we were given a prayer that we're supposed to chant together at the beginning of class.  Depending on the teacher we have for the day, sometimes we do this practice of chanting the prayer in Sanskrit at the beginning of our training, and sometimes we don't.  Here is an English translation taken from this source:  http://web.stanford.edu/group/hsc/prayers.html

May we protect each other,
May we nourish each other,
May we work together with great energy,
May our study be enlightening and fruitful.
May we never hate each other.
Om Peace, Peace, Peace.

I saw the fifth line of this prayer and chuckled.  It seems a bit much for your standard yoga postures class, where the students come and go as they please.  If the students show up to the studio and don't like something, they say so, and either they take a different class or go to a different studio.  However, this is a great prayer for guru relationships.

When one surrenders to a guru, an energetic connection forms, and eventually, with greater and greater surrender, the connection becomes a permanent energetic bond.  Networks of connections form around gurus, which consist of beings of varying degrees of clarity.  Every being brings their own unique matrix of clarity and obstruction into the network.  Where one person is clear, another can be obstructed.  The light passes through where a person is clear, and they don't feel it.  The light hits where a person is obstructed, and it can produce a variety of different experiences.  One may feel buzzed out.  Another may feel like they're having sex.  Another may suddenly need a nap, and someone else could be doubled over in pain.  The local body/mind interpretation of an energy signal can be different for every being in the network.

Surrender to a guru is not the capitulation of a weaker ego to the energy of a stronger ego.  This kind of relationship exists, but it is not what I would consider a true guru relationship.  Surrender to the guru is the unconditional acceptance of the light and its teachings, and it is unconditional love and trust in the guru, who embodies the light.  

Some gurus in the network only have light forms, Jesus and Laozi, for example.  For the gurus in human form, it gets a little more... human.  It's very difficult to refrain from attaching to experiences, especially when those experiences are extremely pleasurable or painful or traumatic.  With pain, there's a tendency to wear the victim jacket, find the so-and-so who is doing this, and blame them for the experience.  With pleasure, there's the tendency to want the experience again and again, like chasing a drug-induced high.  Neither reaction will clear the obstruction.

Guru relationships are all about bringing the subconscious into conscious awareness and clearing away the places of attachment, anger and fear.  Human embodied gurus are not completely clear themselves.  Sometimes the so-called student is more clear than the so-called guru.  The guru relationship is one of partnership, based in trust and love, not one of power over another.  And yes, at some point in the relationship, someone is going to be an asshat.  

With all the energy bouncing around and obstructions being vibrated, it's vitally important to communicate.  Energy + obstruction = emotion.  If someone is being emotionally triggered and can't handle it on their own, it's important to talk about it - bring the obstruction to light.  If someone needs a little space or some time away for themselves or for family, it's important to say so.  If someone had a really great day, that's an awesome thing to share.  If someone learned something valuable, share that too.  And if someone is being an asshat, it's okay to say so.  :)  A difficult conversation may ensue, but...

May we protect each other,
May we nourish each other,
May we work together with great energy,
May our study be enlightening and fruitful.
May we never hate each other.
Om Peace, Peace, Peace.

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running   

Let There be Peace Between Us

In yoga teacher training, we were given a prayer that we're supposed to chant together at the beginning of class.  Depending on the teacher we have for the day, sometimes we do this practice of chanting the prayer in Sanskrit at the beginning of our training, and sometimes we don't.  Here is an English translation taken from this source:  http://web.stanford.edu/group/hsc/prayers.html

May we protect each other,
May we nourish each other,
May we work together with great energy,
May our study be enlightening and fruitful.
May we never hate each other.
Om Peace, Peace, Peace.

I saw the fifth line of this prayer and chuckled.  It seems a bit much for your standard yoga postures class, where the students come and go as they please.  If the students show up to the studio and don't like something, they say so, and either they take a different class or go to a different studio.  However, this is a great prayer for guru relationships.

When one surrenders to a guru, an energetic connection forms, and eventually, with greater and greater surrender, the connection becomes a permanent energetic bond.  Networks of connections form around gurus, which consist of beings of varying degrees of clarity.  Every being brings their own unique matrix of clarity and obstruction into the network.  Where one person is clear, another can be obstructed.  The light passes through where a person is clear, and they don't feel it.  The light hits where a person is obstructed, and it can produce a variety of different experiences.  One may feel buzzed out.  Another may feel like they're having sex.  Another may suddenly need a nap, and someone else could be doubled over in pain.  The local body/mind interpretation of an energy signal can be different for every being in the network.

Surrender to a guru is not the capitulation of a weaker ego to the energy of a stronger ego.  This kind of relationship exists, but it is not what I would consider a true guru relationship.  Surrender to the guru is the unconditional acceptance of the light and its teachings, and it is unconditional love and trust in the guru, who embodies the light.  

Some gurus in the network only have light forms, Jesus and Laozi, for example.  For the gurus in human form, it gets a little more... human.  It's very difficult to refrain from attaching to experiences, especially when those experiences are extremely pleasurable or painful or traumatic.  With pain, there's a tendency to wear the victim jacket, find the so-and-so who is doing this, and blame them for the experience.  With pleasure, there's the tendency to want the experience again and again, like chasing a drug-induced high.  Neither reaction will clear the obstruction.

Guru relationships are all about bringing the subconscious into conscious awareness and clearing away the places of attachment, anger and fear.  Human embodied gurus are not completely clear themselves.  Sometimes the so-called student is more clear than the so-called guru.  The guru relationship is one of partnership, based in trust and love, not one of power over another.  And yes, at some point in the relationship, someone is going to be an asshat.  

With all the energy bouncing around and obstructions being vibrated, it's vitally important to communicate.  Energy + obstruction = emotion.  If someone is being emotionally triggered and can't handle it on their own, it's important to talk about it - bring the obstruction to light.  If someone needs a little space or some time away for themselves or for family, it's important to say so.  If someone had a really great day, that's an awesome thing to share.  If someone learned something valuable, share that too.  And if someone is being an asshat, it's okay to say so.  :)  A difficult conversation may ensue, but...

May we protect each other,
May we nourish each other,
May we work together with great energy,
May our study be enlightening and fruitful.
May we never hate each other.
Om Peace, Peace, Peace.

My reaponse to chasing the pleasure and why it works for me

from what i have seen and where i disagree. Is when you feel your way. Chasing pleasure from the energy. You remain in the heart. And over time that pleasure become every cell in your body. Then that becomes the living experience. That experience puts to sleep and dissolves the obstructions. So for me its a very simple path. Follow that. Become that. And let that do all the work for me. Doing so keeps the experience outside of the mind and deep in the heart. Im not suggesting this is the supreme way or the only way. But i have found it to be very successful. And keeps the mind from conjuring up ideas of what is and what isnt. The mother i will call it. Has a way of putting everything to rest and in joy. Becoming free of needing and clinging to things the mind conjures because it was all along the desire of her joy itself that made the wheels begin rolling in the first place imo

 

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My reaponse to chasing the pleasure and why it works for me

from what i have seen and where i disagree. Is when you feel your way. Chasing pleasure from the energy. You remain in the heart. And over time that pleasure become every cell in your body. Then that becomes the living experience. That experience puts to sleep and dissolves the obstructions. So for me its a very simple path. Follow that. Become that. And let that do all the work for me. Doing so keeps the experience outside of the mind and deep in the heart. Im not suggesting this is the supreme way or the only way. But i have found it to be very successful. And keeps the mind from conjuring up ideas of what is and what isnt. The mother i will call it. Has a way of putting everything to rest and in joy. Becoming free of needing and clinging to things the mind conjures because it was all along the desire of her joy itself that made the wheels begin rolling in the first place imo

 

Hi Running :)

Yes, I can see how that would work very well.  :)  Resting deep in the heart is the key.  

I was specifically talking about when the pleasure is not in the present moment experience, and the mind becomes dissatisfied.  The mind rejects the present moment and seeks to re-create an experience from a memory or projection.  I think it is better to rest in the present moment and look deep into oneself than it is to attempt to re-create something that was lost.  Experiences are fluid and always changing. 

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running   

 

My reaponse to chasing the pleasure and why it works for me

from what i have seen and where i disagree. Is when you feel your way. Chasing pleasure from the energy. You remain in the heart. And over time that pleasure become every cell in your body. Then that becomes the living experience. That experience puts to sleep and dissolves the obstructions. So for me its a very simple path. Follow that. Become that. And let that do all the work for me. Doing so keeps the experience outside of the mind and deep in the heart. Im not suggesting this is the supreme way or the only way. But i have found it to be very successful. And keeps the mind from conjuring up ideas of what is and what isnt. The mother i will call it. Has a way of putting everything to rest and in joy. Becoming free of needing and clinging to things the mind conjures because it was all along the desire of her joy itself that made the wheels begin rolling in the first place imo

 

Hi Running :)

Yes, I can see how that would work very well.  :)  Resting deep in the heart is the key.  

I was specifically talking about when the pleasure is not in the present moment experience, and the mind becomes dissatisfied.  The mind rejects the present moment and seeks to re-create an experience from a memory or projection.  I think it is better to rest in the present moment and look deep into oneself than it is to attempt to re-create something that was lost.  Experiences are fluid and always changing. 

My reaponse to chasing the pleasure and why it works for me

from what i have seen and where i disagree. Is when you feel your way. Chasing pleasure from the energy. You remain in the heart. And over time that pleasure become every cell in your body. Then that becomes the living experience. That experience puts to sleep and dissolves the obstructions. So for me its a very simple path. Follow that. Become that. And let that do all the work for me. Doing so keeps the experience outside of the mind and deep in the heart. Im not suggesting this is the supreme way or the only way. But i have found it to be very successful. And keeps the mind from conjuring up ideas of what is and what isnt. The mother i will call it. Has a way of putting everything to rest and in joy. Becoming free of needing and clinging to things the mind conjures because it was all along the desire of her joy itself that made the wheels begin rolling in the first place imo

 

Hi Running :)

Yes, I can see how that would work very well.  :)  Resting deep in the heart is the key.  

I was specifically talking about when the pleasure is not in the present moment experience, and the mind becomes dissatisfied.  The mind rejects the present moment and seeks to re-create an experience from a memory or projection.  I think it is better to rest in the present moment and look deep into oneself than it is to attempt to re-create something that was lost.  Experiences are fluid and always changing. 

that makes a sense. I do the opposite and live through desires through the mind when it becomes bored. What has happend is i can live through a lot of things that i couldnt otherwise. In doing so i tap into depths of intoxication like mini roller coaster rides. The rides come and go but what is left is a deepening of unconditional joy. But my mind is made in a way that this tactic comes easy. My creative mind can go through more enjoyment doing so than what i can manifest.

 

Also i do the same thing with skipping it all and putting myself in a deeper joy without creating anything other than that. I think in lives we develop ways of enjoyment. For example if i am a slave or a monk in a cave. These things develop naturally. I was born doing it so i look into how i came to do so. Slavery and solitude as some kinda monk i think is how i come to doing so. Today its truck driving.

Another way that its come based on what i can recall and what my girlfrind has channeled and is being involved in wars. You become tuned into to the bliss cause it is the only comfort available. It becomes your only security and possible enjoyment. So it develops at an accelerated rate. I feel this is how it has also developed for me.

However it works for tthe person is whats important i feel. Thanks for sharing what works for you!

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